Fw: HR Memo

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
FROM: Human Resources

It has been brought to management's attention that some
individuals throughout the company have been using foul
language during the course of normal conversation with their
co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees
who may be easily offended, this type of language will be no
longer tolerated.

We do however, realize the critical importance of being able
to accurately express your feelings when communicating with
co-workers, therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases has
been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and
information can continue in an effective manner without risk
of offending our more sensitive employees.

SO...

TRY SAYING
Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF
When the #### do you expect me to do this?

TRY SAYING
I'm certain that is not feasible.
INSTEAD OF
No ####### way!!

TRY SAYING
Really?
INSTEAD OF
You've got to be shitting me.

TRY SAYING
Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF
Tell someone who gives a shit.

TRY SAYING
Of course I'm concerned.
INSTEAD OF
Ask me if I give a shit.

TRY SAYING
I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF
It's not my ####### problem.

TRY SAYING
That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF
What the ####?!?!

TRY SAYING
I'm not sure I can implement this.
INSTEAD OF
#### it, it won't work.

TRY SAYING
I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF
Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?

TRY SAYING
Are you sure this is a problem?
INSTEAD OF
Who the #### cares?

TRY SAYING
He's not familiar with the problem.
INSTEAD OF
He's got his head up his a$$.

TRY SAYING
Excuse me sir?
INSTEAD OF
Eat shit and die ######.

TRY SAYING
So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF
Kiss my a$$.

TRY SAYING
I'm a bit overloaded at this moment.
INSTEAD OF
#### it, I'm on salary.

TRY SAYING
I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF
Shove it up you're a$$.

TRY SAYING
I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF
This job sucks.

TRY SAYING
You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF
Who the hell died and made you boss?

TRY SAYING
I see.
INSTEAD OF
Blow me.

TRY SAYING
Yes, we really should discuss it.
INSTEAD OF
Another ####### meeting!!!

TRY SAYING
I don't think this will be a problem.
INSTEAD OF
I really don't give a shit.

TRY SAYING
He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF
He's a ####### prick.

TRY SAYING
She's an aggressive go getter.
INSTEAD OF
She's a bitch.

TRY SAYING
I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF
You don't know what the #### you're doing

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This one is close to my heart ... have felt like using the uncensored versions quite often ... ;)