Fw: More PJs ...
I send it out to colleagues every Monday ... last Monday's batch was ...
What are prehistoric monsters called when they sleep?
A dinosnore!
What is the fruitiest subject?
History, because it's full of dates!
Why did the stupid racing driver make ten pitstops during the race?
He was asking for directions!
How do you keep an imbecile happy all his life?
Tell him a joke .... when he's a baby!
What is a myth?
A female moth!
How many balls of string would it take to reach the moon?
Just one if it's long enough!
How do we know that the Earth won't come to an end?
Because it's round!
What is heavier, a full moon or a half moon?
The full moon because it's lighter! ... (brighter light)
What animals are on legal documents?
Seals!
Why did the child study in the aeroplane?
He wanted a higher education!
What do you mean by telling everyone that I'm an idiot?
I'm sorry, I didn't know it was supposed to be a secret!
Why are goldfish red?
The water turns them rusty!
What is the best hand to write with?
Neither - it's best to write with a pen!
I'd tell you another joke about a pencil.
But it doesn't have any point!
Why does a flamingo lift up one leg?
Because if he lifted up both legs it would fall over!
What makes the leaning Tower of Pisa lean?
It doesn't eat much!
Why do birds fly south in the winter?
Because it's too far to walk!
What followed the dinosaur?
It's tail!
I've got a wonder watch. It only cost fifty cents.
Why is it a wonder watch?
Because every time I look at it I wonder if it is still working!
Dad, there is a man at the door collecting for the new swimming pool.
Give him a glass of water!
Eat up your spinach, it'll put color in your cheeks.
But I don't want green cheeks!
Where does success come before work?
In the dictionary!
Did you hear about the fool you keeps going around saying "no"?
"No."
Oh, so it's you!
I don't think these photographs you've taken do me justice.
You don't want justice - you want mercy!
What steps would you take if a madman came rushing at you with a knife?
Great big ones!
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars!
If two's company and three a crowd, what are four and five?
Nine!
What is it that even the most careful person overlooks?
His nose!
What do you call an American drawing?
Yankee doodle!
What is a volcano?
A mountain with hiccups!
Why was the broom late?
It over swept!
What runs but never walks?
Water!
What stories do the ship captain's children like to hear?
Ferry tales!
Why did Robin Hood only steal from the rich?
Because the poor have nothing worth taking!
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8!
What did the tie say to the hat?
You go on ahead and I'll hang around!
What did the picture say to the wall?
I've got you covered!
What is the best thing to take into the desert?
A thirst aid kit!
Who was the first underwater spy?
James Pond!
What is hairy and coughs?
A coconut with a cold!
What do you call a foreign body in a chip pan?
An Unidentified Frying Object!
Why did the lazy man want a job in a bakery?
So he could loaf around!
I want a hair cut please.
Certainly, which one!
Why was the Egyptian girl worried?
Because her daddy was a mummy!
What pet makes the loudest noise?
A trum-pet!
A noise woke me up this morning.
What was that?
The crack of dawn!
Whats red and flies and wobbles at the same time?
A jelly copter!
Why did the sword swallower swallow an umbrella?
He wanted to put something away for a rainy day!
What's the difference between an American student and an English student?
About 3000 miles!
What do you get if you cross a crocodile with a flower?
I don't know, but I'm not going to smell it!
Why did cavemen draw pictures of hippopotamuses and rhinoceroses on their walls?
Because they couldn't spell their names!
"Tell me" said the tourist to the local yokel. "Will this path take me to the main road?"
"No sir!", replied the man. "You'll have to go by yourself!"
What does "Maximum" mean?
A very big mother!
Waiter, this soup tastes funny?
Then why aren't you laughing!
How do you make milk shake?
Give it a good scare!
What soldiers smell of salt and pepper?
Seasoned troopers!
What has two humps and is found at the North Pole?
A lost camel!
What is the most slippery country in the world?
Greece!
What kind of fish can't swim?
Dead ones!
What has a bottom at the top?
Your legs!
Have you ever seen a man eating tiger?
No, but in the cafe next door I once saw a man eating chicken!
What is the quickest way to double your money?
Fold it in half!
What are prehistoric monsters called when they sleep?
A dinosnore!
What is the fruitiest subject?
History, because it's full of dates!
Why did the stupid racing driver make ten pitstops during the race?
He was asking for directions!
How do you keep an imbecile happy all his life?
Tell him a joke .... when he's a baby!
What is a myth?
A female moth!
How many balls of string would it take to reach the moon?
Just one if it's long enough!
How do we know that the Earth won't come to an end?
Because it's round!
What is heavier, a full moon or a half moon?
The full moon because it's lighter! ... (brighter light)
What animals are on legal documents?
Seals!
Why did the child study in the aeroplane?
He wanted a higher education!
What do you mean by telling everyone that I'm an idiot?
I'm sorry, I didn't know it was supposed to be a secret!
Why are goldfish red?
The water turns them rusty!
What is the best hand to write with?
Neither - it's best to write with a pen!
I'd tell you another joke about a pencil.
But it doesn't have any point!
Why does a flamingo lift up one leg?
Because if he lifted up both legs it would fall over!
What makes the leaning Tower of Pisa lean?
It doesn't eat much!
Why do birds fly south in the winter?
Because it's too far to walk!
What followed the dinosaur?
It's tail!
I've got a wonder watch. It only cost fifty cents.
Why is it a wonder watch?
Because every time I look at it I wonder if it is still working!
Dad, there is a man at the door collecting for the new swimming pool.
Give him a glass of water!
Eat up your spinach, it'll put color in your cheeks.
But I don't want green cheeks!
Where does success come before work?
In the dictionary!
Did you hear about the fool you keeps going around saying "no"?
"No."
Oh, so it's you!
I don't think these photographs you've taken do me justice.
You don't want justice - you want mercy!
What steps would you take if a madman came rushing at you with a knife?
Great big ones!
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars!
If two's company and three a crowd, what are four and five?
Nine!
What is it that even the most careful person overlooks?
His nose!
What do you call an American drawing?
Yankee doodle!
What is a volcano?
A mountain with hiccups!
Why was the broom late?
It over swept!
What runs but never walks?
Water!
What stories do the ship captain's children like to hear?
Ferry tales!
Why did Robin Hood only steal from the rich?
Because the poor have nothing worth taking!
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8!
What did the tie say to the hat?
You go on ahead and I'll hang around!
What did the picture say to the wall?
I've got you covered!
What is the best thing to take into the desert?
A thirst aid kit!
Who was the first underwater spy?
James Pond!
What is hairy and coughs?
A coconut with a cold!
What do you call a foreign body in a chip pan?
An Unidentified Frying Object!
Why did the lazy man want a job in a bakery?
So he could loaf around!
I want a hair cut please.
Certainly, which one!
Why was the Egyptian girl worried?
Because her daddy was a mummy!
What pet makes the loudest noise?
A trum-pet!
A noise woke me up this morning.
What was that?
The crack of dawn!
Whats red and flies and wobbles at the same time?
A jelly copter!
Why did the sword swallower swallow an umbrella?
He wanted to put something away for a rainy day!
What's the difference between an American student and an English student?
About 3000 miles!
What do you get if you cross a crocodile with a flower?
I don't know, but I'm not going to smell it!
Why did cavemen draw pictures of hippopotamuses and rhinoceroses on their walls?
Because they couldn't spell their names!
"Tell me" said the tourist to the local yokel. "Will this path take me to the main road?"
"No sir!", replied the man. "You'll have to go by yourself!"
What does "Maximum" mean?
A very big mother!
Waiter, this soup tastes funny?
Then why aren't you laughing!
How do you make milk shake?
Give it a good scare!
What soldiers smell of salt and pepper?
Seasoned troopers!
What has two humps and is found at the North Pole?
A lost camel!
What is the most slippery country in the world?
Greece!
What kind of fish can't swim?
Dead ones!
What has a bottom at the top?
Your legs!
Have you ever seen a man eating tiger?
No, but in the cafe next door I once saw a man eating chicken!
What is the quickest way to double your money?
Fold it in half!
posted by anup.777 at 6:05 AM
2 Comments:
**I'd tell you another joke about a pencil.
But it doesn't have any point!
hehe cute...
Keshi.
... but not as cute as u ... ;)
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