Fw: Good Questions .... great answers ... :)

Q.How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A.Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)

Q.If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall,how long would it take
four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23 Rank Opted for IFS)

Q.If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples
and
three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands.(Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)

Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one
hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)

Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Pro! bs , He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)

Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)

Q. What looks like half apple ?
A : The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper )

Q. What can you never eat for breakfast ?
A : Dinner.

Q. What happened when wheel was invented ?
A : It caused a revolution.(best one)

Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A : Liquid (UPSC 33Rank )

Fw: New guidelines for employees

Hiya All,
This was real fun ... reminds me so much of Dilbert's world ... :)
Enjoy ... lolz ... :)

New Guidelines for Employees
1. DRESS CODE:

It is advised that you come to work dressed according
to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada
sneakers & carrying a $600 Gucci bag we assume you
are doing well financially and therefore you do not
need a raise.



2. SICK DAYS:

We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof
of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you
are able to come to work.



3. SURGERY:

Operations are now banned. As long as you are an
employee here, you need all your organs. You should
not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.
To have something removed constitutes a breach of
employment.



4. PERSONAL DAYS:

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called Saturdays and Sundays.



5. VACATION DAYS:

All employees will take their vacation at the same time
every year. The vacation days are as follows: January 1,
August 15 and December 25.



6. BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
you can do for deceased friends, relatives, or co-workers.
Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend
to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee
involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled
in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to
work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
hour early, provided your work is done.



7. OUT FROM YOUR OWN DEATH:

This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require
at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train
your own replacement.



8. RESTROOM USE:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom.
In the future, we will follow the practice of going once
each day, in alphabetical order.
For instance, all employees whose names begin with 'A'
will go from 8 to 8:20, employees whose names begin
with 'B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you're
unable to go at your allotted time, it will be
necessary to wait until the next day when your turn
comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may
swap their time with a coworker. Both employees'
supervisors must approve this exchange in writing.
In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time
limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes,
an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will
retract, and the stall door will open.



9. LUNCH BREAK:

Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to
eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size
people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balance
meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people
get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the
time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

Have a gr8 day ya all!
Anup

Fw: Inspiring quotes

Hiya All

Some good quotes ....

Quotes & Fundas


1. Attitude determines your altitude

2. David for goliath - "He is not too big to hit, he is too big to miss"

3. The mind is invisible body and the body is visible mind.

4. Nobody can take your self respect without your consent.

5. Past is history and future is mystery, the greatest gift of god is present and because it is a gift, it is called present.

6. ASK - Attitude, Skills & Knowledge

7. To go up in life, you have to give up something.

8. Dreaming is more important than thinking.

9. Dare to dream and dream to dare.

10. "If you meet a person without a smile, give him yours"

11. The woods are lovely, dark & deep, But I have promises to keep and Miles to go before I sleep and miles to go before I sleep.

12. The faster I go, the more I lag behind.

13. You cannot control the time but you can the control the way you use it.

14. Managing time is managing life.

15. Look for gold and not dirt in people.

16. A small pencil is better than a long memory.

17. Be smarter than the next person but don't tell him.

18. Love between two human beings is not less - only the expectations are more.

19. My stomach is not the graveyard to bury dead animals. Animals are my friends and I do not eat my friends.

20. Finally you will hit only what you aim at.

21. Act like a sponge - absorb everything that you can.


22. Plan your life then live your plan.

23. You must create circumstances which you want in life.

24. Man who waits for roast duck to fly into his mouth, must wait for very very long time.

25. The best way to deal with fear is to face it.

26. I AM NOT TIRED.

27. If you think you can or think you cant - either way you are right.

Have a great week!!!

Anup

Fw: Personality Test

Hiya All,

http://similarminds.com/jung.html

Don't know how accurate it is ... coz' according to it, being a poet/author is not one of my favored careers ... :)

But, it's good fun ... so, what type are ya??????


My result -
Extroverted (E) 56.1% Introverted (I) 43.9%
Sensing (S) 58.82% Intuitive (N) 41.18%
Thinking (T) 54.55% Feeling (F) 45.45%
Judging (J) 72.97% Perceiving (P) 27.03%

ESTJ - "Administrator". Much in touch with the external environment. Very responsible. Pillar of strength. 8.7% of total population.

ESTJ

organized, group oriented, focused, conventional, leader, emotionally stable, anal, attention seeking, planner, realistic, fearless, responsible, finisher, decisive, norm following, respects authority, punctual, hard working, stiff, self confident, thinks rules and regulations are important, follows the rules, clean, outgoing, social, content, does not like being alone, normal, regular, does not like weird or strange people / things - intolerant of differences, strict, disciplined, aggressive, assertive, content, happy, proper, formal, strict with self, meticulous, strong sense of purpose

favored careers:


executive, ceo, supervisor, business consultant, manager, strategist, financial planner, business person, office manager, public relations manager, international business specialist, business analyst, management consultant, operations manager, loan officer, lawyer, marketing, sports management, government employee, investment banker

disfavored careers:


poet, artist, songwriter, musician, novelist, art therapist, theatre teacher, art curator, film editor, video game designer, photo journalist, travel writer, actor, record store owner, camera operator, art historian, music teacher

Fw: Automatic Email Messages

Hiya All,

Somehow, I don't think you'll be seeing any of these automated email replies ever ..... but makes for fun reading ... :)

Disclaimer: THIS IS A FORWARD .... I am not the originator ... This message contains potentially disturbing material If u are in a bad mood OR IF u have a bad sense of humor ... so don't read any further ... and if u do read .... DON'T shoot the messenger!!!!!

Automatic e-mail reply messages
1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the
position. Be prepared for my mood.

2. I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.

3. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office.
If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

4. Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to Management.

5. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I
return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the
order it was received.

6. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

7. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.

8. I am on holiday. Your e-mail has been deleted.

9. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queueing system. You are
currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

10. Please reply to this e-mail so I will know that you got this message.

11. Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

12. Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any
messages.

13. I've run away to join a different circus.

14. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as "Loretta" instead of "Steve."

LOLz ... :)

Peace Out!
Anup