Fav Quotes

On skype, I try to liven things up by posting funny quotes every day. Here are a few favs... (obviously sourced from da internet)

"We didn't actually overspend our budget. The allocation simply fell short of our expenditure."

"All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy."

"Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others."

"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early."

"A good report is 10% inspiration, 15% perspiration, and 75% desperation" ... my fav ... as that's exactly the stuff my reports are made of ... hehe ;)

"Procrastinate now, don't put it off."

"I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize."

"The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up."

Fw: Some good ones ...

A Man sits for 4 hours looking at his Marriage Certificate. The Wife
asks? What are u doing.

He answers: "I'm lookingfor the Expiry Date"

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Dog Watch

Guest: "Why does your dog sit there and watch me eat?"

Hotel Host: "I can't imagine, unless it's because you have the plate
he usually eats from."

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The Boss

A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead:
"I'm afraid he died last week." she explains.
The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss.
"I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."
The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his
boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts:
"I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK!
WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"

"Coz . . ." he replied laughing, "I just love hearing it. . . ."

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What part did you get?

This one little boy in about 4th or 5th grade was trying out for a
school play. He earned a part and went home to tell his father.

His father was really proud of him. So his father asks what part did you get?

He replies I got the part of a man who has been married for 25 years.

His father congratulated him. And then he said "That's good son, maybe
next time you'll get a talking role!"

Fw: Life explained? (sobering)

ONE PARAGRAPH THAT EXPLAINS LIFE

Arthur Ashe, the legendary Wimbledon player was dying of CANCER. From world over, he received letters from his fans, one of which conveyed: "Why does GOD have to select you for such a bad disease"? To this Arthur Ashe replied: The world over -- 5 crore children start playing tennis, 50 lakh learn to play tennis, 5 lakh learn professional tennis, 50,000 come to the circuit, 5000 reach the grand slam, 50 reach Wimbeldon, 4 to semi final, 2 to the finals, When I was holding a cup I never asked GOD "Why me?" And today in pain I should not be asking GOD "Why me?"

Happiness keeps u Sweet, Trials keep u Strong, Sorrow keeps u Human, Failure Keeps u Humble, Success keeps u Glowing, But only God Keeps u Going.....

Fw: U tell me!

A college student needed a small two-hour course to fill his
schedule and the only one available was wildlife Zoology.
After one week, a test was held.

The professor passed out a sheet of paper divided into four squares.
In each square was a carefully drawn picture of a bird's legs.
No bodies, no feet, just legs. The test asked each student to
identify the birds from their legs.

The student sat and stared at the test getting angrier every minute.
Finally he stomped up to the front of the classroom and
threw the test on the teacher's desk.

"This is the worst test I have ever given."

The teacher looked up and said:
"Young man, you have flunked the test.
What's your name?"

The student pulled up his pant-legs showing his legs and
said: "You tell me".